So what do you do when your boyfriend/girlfriend (not spouse) is depressed?  Do you leave her/him alone to deal with the problem or do you try to help in the process of recovery.  In a marriage the decision is somewhat easy - most people choose to stay and help their partner, but while you are simply dating, things are a little different.

Take Cindy for instance.  Her boyfriend is depressed since his sister is dying and he is also having some problems at work.  "We hardly talk and rarely have any fun.  He does not even make love to me any more and I am so frustrated.  But he is not the type to share his feelings with anyone.  How do I talk to him about things he holds inside? I know I have made mistakes, yelled at him and fought with him some times because I want him to show me that he cares for me.  That may have made our relationship only worse.  I just don't know how to control my own actions, I guess since it is so sad that I have to deal with so many problems while all my friends are in normal relationships.  What should I do?" she asks

Well it seems that there is an explanation for some of his behavior though it would have been nice if he tried to face the problems with you rather than without you but men can sometimes consider it as a weekness to cry or share their sorrow with another person.  I think it is not that he does not want to talk to you but men find it hard to share with a woman when they feel grief inside.

In order for him to share with you, depending on his personality, you will have to earn his trust that he can share anything with you.  And if you fight with him and yell at him, you are doing the opposite.  I know you are going through a lot too - imagine being ignored by the most important person in your life.  But if you see it all in a new perspective now....he is depressed, he is having a tough time, and if I am not there for him, what good a girlfriend am I?  So if you then try to be nice with those thoughts in mind, it will all be very natural and authentic.  And he will see the love coming from you.  And once he shares his sorrow with you, the love will follow.

It is going to be a lot of work but in the end it will strengthen your relationship and make you a better couple.